I AM CAPABLE...

Homelessnes...hungry...cold...alone...weary...anxious...broken...uneducated...orphaned...

Brazil '09

These are all words that i know the meaning of but for most of them I don't know the actual life . I have not lived and experienced them...

I have never been homeless, a wanderer, not knowing where my head will lay when darkness approaches.

I have never been hungry, truly hungry not having a choice of my next meal or even knowing what it will consist of.

I have never been so cold knowing that it may never end. Knowing that there may never be warmth. Sure i have gone places and forgotten a jacket or not been properly clothed, but nothing without the expectation and knowledge that the moment will come when i am back in the warmth of my car, house, restaurant or wherever it may be.

Alone...now there have been moments where i have felt so alone...where i have felt that my place in the world did not exist and that I was the only one walking through the valley i was walking...however, even that word, i can't say i have truly ever been alone. I have people i know i can call whether they could fully be there for me or not. Literally just a phone call or drive away. Even in my darkest moments...i deep down have always known the feeling of company and others.

Brazil '09- the little boy who captured my <3

Weary...sure i have been tired but only the tired that knows that up ahead i will be able to lay my head down...i will be able to sleep...i will be able to recuperate and begin again refreshed and energized.

Anxious...I know anxiety...I use to deal with it much more than i do now but it's still the protected kind...it's the anxiety that there is enough stability and people in my life that if i was in desperate need there would be some sort of crutch...some sort of way to move through things...I was also raised in a home that taught me through faith there is a hope through our anxiety so even when i am most anxious i am still able to find some peace. I don't know the anxiety of being alone and unprotected...of not being able to meet daily needs or not being able to protect myself or others from the events life throws at us...

Brazil '10

Broken...I think we all experience brokenness...the degree differs from person to person but broken is broken. I have experienced brokenness and i have been hurt and wounded by others...but in my most broken state, I have access to the strength and choice that lies around me. The option to move forward and to be better. The option to fall into the arms of those around me and heal in time. The option to build the brokenness back up with love, security, protection, safety, laughter, and relationships surrounding me.

Uneducated...something i will never know personally. I was in school from 4K to college graduation. I was pushed and encouraged and given option. I excelled in school and was able to cultivate a life and future based on knowledge and ingenuity. (dont get me wrong...i still have my dumb dumb moments :-/ )

Orphaned...I have a family. I have a mom and dad, two brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins...I have family that are not blood but are as close as if they were. I will never truly know what it physically means to be orphaned...because even if i lost my family...there are still people so close around that love me and would be there for me.

Lakeshore, Mississippi- Hurricane Katrina Relief '2006

The truth is...i have been given a WHOLE lot. More than i deserve and some i take for granted. I have lived a life of opportunity that in many ways had nothing to do with myself or my own endeavors. It had nothing to do with my choice to work hard or to make sacrifices for success. It had EVERYTHING to do with the people in my life making those choices for me in the beginning. Giving me a foundation which made it easier for me to choose those qualities for myself when I was of independent age to do so.

Mexico- '08

I look around and i see people in different places than i have ever been in...people holding signs on the side of the road begging...people walking the streets mumbling to themselves...people taking advantage of others just to fuel the demons and addictions in their life that in reality holds them captive in the hell they are in....i see all this around me...and honestly, i have judged, i do judge on occasion. I think about WHY don't you have a job and what did you have before you got yourself into this mess. It's true that their are people just like myself that had all they needed and instead of learning and appreciating and being good stewards, they threw it all away for a bad decision and a life consuming addiction...

Mexico- '08

However there are also people out there that didn't choose for themselves. They don't pick the parents that abandoned them for drugs and instability. They didn't pick the the school system that pushed them through because there was not enough extra to spend on every child that did not have a mom and dad at home to help with their homework and learning. They didn't choose the mental illness and anxiety that they developed at a young age due to the quickly revolving dysfunctional world around them. They didn't choose being hungry at the age of 12 because mom spent the money on alcohol and drugs. They didn't choose the rape and abuse of the continual revolving door of men or women their so called "protector" of a parent brought into their so called home or "safe haven". They didn't choose the death of the their grandparents before they were even through school...the grandparents that gave them the very little they had to help them make a different path for themselves. There are people that didn't choose and they end up reaching the age of choice and decision and because of those in their lives around them...they have no way of knowing how to make them.

(Inner City Charleston, SC)

(Inner City Charleston, SC)

My point in all this and lesson to no one else other than myself is this...I want to do for others more than I do for myself...I don't want to be everybody else that just passes by refusing to look on that which is uneasy for our eyes to take hold of.  I want to help someone fall to sleep at night in whatever environment and place that might be, knowing that someone does care and that they are worth knowing. I want to live knowing that i am NOT above reaching a  low place in life. I am just as CAPABLE of succumbing to a life of addiction...i am just as CAPABLE of pushing everyone in my life out...I AM CAPABLE of losing every blessing i have been given....I am CAPABLE not just of the good and success of life...but of the bad and failures as well.

If people say something of me when my life is over...i would want it to be that i had no fear. That i gave and went where others would not go. That i took time to truly invest and get to know the shadows of the world...the forgotten and alone. That means more to me than other successes and accomplishments...

This has gotten rather lengthy...and to show you the place of heart all this came from...

This is my friend. I know the picture is not clear. I did not want it to be. Yes i know this person. I know his story. I know what life he came from...how long the streets have been his home...i know what size clothes he wears and a few of the locations he feels somewhat safe enough to close his eyes throughout his long days. I know he has anxieties and stresses. I know he has been robbed and abused.  I know he has no family, i know that he has no education. I know he is younger than myself and someone my husband sat beside in his 10th grade class in high school.

 He has never asked us for anything...he has never once asked for money or food or clothes. In fact, in the beginning we  had to really push to get him to take food from us. I know he may not represent the majority of people on the streets in this day and country, but what he represents is a population of people that hesitate to trust...that truly don't understand and know love and relationship. That don't believe that there could ever be a different chapter in the book of life they are living. They don't know the power of choice or decision. They just know the pattern of following in the footsteps of the people that brought them into the world and were suppose to teach and show them the way. The pattern of those that failed them in so many ways... They just know THAT way...and i will fully agree with the saying that you can't teach an old dog NEW tricks...at least not without a lot of time, patience, effort, and failures. (just ask my husband who tried to learn to ride a bike at the age of 23...it's a concept that is not easy to grasp at this place in life.)

My heart breaks for my friend and those alone in the haunting of their past. My heart breaks for those that don't understand we were all created with the ability to make a change...and it may have to be reiterated and taught anew, but i believe that one of the biggest problems we face is people not being willing to be the teacher...to be the new example in a life that did not have one....Just some food for thought....I AM CAPABLE...of anything...what will i do with that?

**(side note/disclaimer: I have seen the many faces of poverty...from those here in my hometown to the ones in third world countries where living takes on a whole different meaning. I have gotten to know people who will tell you they are where they are at because of very poor decisions they made in their life and because their addictions mean more to them than their life and future. I have met innocent children that rummage through trash and drink water out of the cattle watering hole and thing that this is what everyone's life looks like. I have met teenage kids whose parents give them over to prostitution so that they can feed the rest of the kids and buy their alcohol and drugs. I have met elderly who were suddenly laid off of work in a city they can't afford to live in and all their savings went to medical bills and all their family is deceased or worse off than they. I have met the crooks that put on the appearance of poverty just to take advantage of people and government...i am not naive to the state people are in so please don't think i am one of naivety that will only be taken advantage of throughout life if i live a life of giving and sacrifice to others...)

Just and Uber Ride Away...

That moment you realize just how much of your life was lived for others and how much was really who you are.... yep my plane has landed and i have officially gotten off and walked through the terminal to the luggage zone, grabbed my stuff, stepped outside, and I'm here. I'm in a world where the influence of others does not exist. It's interesting. I feel like the world is turning around me and i have stopped moving. I am seeing for the first time life and people and I am at a place where i have to decide where i am going to go from here. I am not stuck at the airport, i have actually found myself an UBER (that seems safer than a taxi)...now my only problem is to figure out where that is suppose to take me...

I know how this sounds to most...i can hear all your different voices..."oh she is 'finding' herself", "she is pondering life and  having a pre-life crisis"..."she is intellectualizing everything and it's so silly"... months ago i would have never even posted this because even the thought of peoples opinions of me and figuring out life would have worried me so greatly and affected me so much that I would have stayed seated where I was at and just kept on being what I have been taught to be. But somehow, someway, i woke up one morning and i did not care. To put it frankly...i just did not give a damn.

I became aware of the reality that my life was a movement that was ordered by others and carried out by myself. It's not necessarily been a lie or not a good thing... It has just been heavily influenced. I am looking around at a culture and I am seeing so many different breeds of people. For example, i am a Christian, and i was raised in a Southern Baptist church my whole life. I was raised in a very very conservative household. I went to Christian school 6 years of my life. And the only people i was allowed to hang out with or spend large amounts of time with growing up were people with similar views and beliefs.

Please hear me when i say that i don't think the way i was raised was wrong. My parents did a great job at a very difficult task.  They sacrificed a lot so that I could be raised in a safe environment with the least amount of temptations that might one day turn into addictions of control and disaster. They loved Jesus and showed us an authentic Faith.

In saying all that, I want it to be clear that i am thankful for my childhood and life. It was FAR from perfect but it was full of blessing and lessons that cultivated in me a person that loves others and cares and wants to give and do. However, now i have reached a place of disruption so to say.

As children, it is our parents responsibility to raise us and lead us in the way they feel is best. It is apart of our American freedom and for that i am thankful. That doesn't mean, however, that the day does not come where we as children grow up and become adults. It's a that moment in which we arrive at a place of decision. Do we believe the exact things our parents embedded in us, Or do some or all of those things change? For me, i am at that place...I am at a place where it is not okay with me to hold to an opinion, view, or faith because it's what i was taught. If i am going to live life and make choices, those choices have to be because i BELIEVE in them. Because they are true to me in my life.

This place I am at has raised a LOT of questions for me. It's aroused places in my mind that hold thoughts and ideas that I never knew existed for me. It's actually quiet a conflicting place to be. What you believe affects every choice you make. It affects the BIG moments and the little ones in life. To use the word important is an understatement in describing the power behind your beliefs.

I don't feel the need to elaborate on the areas of conflict and debate in my body, mind, heart, and soul right now...maybe one day...but not today, but i do think it is important to put out there the honesty of my life and where i am at. I am tired of sugar coated people living their sugar coated lives (when in reality we know everyone is fighting a war of some sorts within themselves). I am also tired of living a life where a lot of my decisions are made based on the attention and admiration i get from others.

While on this journey i have seen things through a different set of lenses...maybe that's just it...i am actually SEEING things for first time because i finally put on some lenses to correct my blurred vision.

 For example, I have realized that throughout my growing years I watched the people around me in my life excel in so many areas. Sports, academics, music, dance... though i tried my hand at many things I did not hold talent for any of them. I did not stand out...I did learn at an early age that i was really good at loving Jesus and being good. I was really good at understanding spiritual things and being mature in ways beyond my years. This was not bad in itself and i believe a lot of was genuine...however looking back and even up until just recently, I have seen how I was a kid that desired more than anything to be good at something and to succeed. To have the attention of others because i was talented...and THAT became my talent. Following the rules and going and doing things that most adults were not willing to do with their faith and beliefs. Since putting my hypothetical lenses on, i realize that i don't want to continue down that path. I want to go and do and make choices because what i believe is real in my life and because it's a choice i made...not my parents or family or friends. I don't want to live a life restricted by the opinions of others. And i don't want to push people out because they are not like me or see things the same as me...heck...right now i dont even know what i see.

The truth is letting people down is a requirement in life. It's something that must be done in order to live. It's necessary...people do not last forever and we can not solely depend on the support of others. The problem is, i have been so afraid of letting people down...i have been so afraid of failing at the one thing i was so good at,pleasing the people close to me, that i stopped seeking... i stopped learning...i stopped trying to understand who i was and what i am capable of because i limited myself to the mold those around me wanted me to fit in.

I can honestly say, this is the first time i can ever remember where i am thinking for myself. I am looking at life and the things that it consists of and making a personal decision on what i want and what's right. I haven't gotten very far yet and I am not sure of a lot of things...but what i do know is when my UBER ride gets me to my destination...i will know it is because i chose to go there and SOMEONE did not choose it for me....

123...A Little About Me...

When All else Fails...Do A Questionnaire: 



1.) Nicknames: Growing up a had some unpleasant ones ...Bam Bam Bethany and Bethasaurus LOL dont ask...I had the nickname B-knee through highschool and still with a few people...Some people call me B or Bet or Beth...thats about it

 

2.) Born and raised in South Carolina

3.)  I turned 25 in August (yea my brain is fully developed now :-p )

4.) I am a natural Blonde although my hair has seen many shades over the years...i am currently getting back to the all natural :-)

5.) Siblings: 2 brothers older and younger, a sister-in-law, and best friend i have always called my sister

6.) Pets: none at the moment...working up to getting a dog

7.) Bad Habits: I try to keep it in check but my mouth tends to get me in trouble at times...also, i go through nail biting phases especially when i am nervous or stressed

8.) Phobias: I use to have a severe case of White Coat syndrome... I have worked myself down from that a bit...i am scared to death of having blood drawn and have honestly only had it done twice in the past 20 years probably. Also...I abhor spiders and get a little antsy with heights.

*ABOUT YOU

9.) What makes you happy: Being around people i love, surprises, being outside, working out, LIVING

10.)What really irritates you: crazy drivers, being late

11.) What makes you sad: Seeing people in need; homeless, orphans, abused, neglected

12.) What makes you angry: people who treat others as if they are below themselves or unworthy,   people that take advantage of others

13.)What makes you scared: being at the top of  a hill on a roller coaster...not being able to get in touch with someone i love

14.)Who is your best friend: Melanie is my sister...since I was in middle school we have been as close as sisters and have remained that growing up...i have lots of best friends and they know who they are :-)

15.)Ever broken a bone: negative

16.)What's the best advice you've ever received:That is an open-ended question...i have had so much needed advice over the years that has been beyond helpful and necessary. One of the things i will always remember is me asking my mom if we were poor growing up and she responding with "as long as you have Jesus you are the richest in the world"...

17.)What was the last CD you bought: It's been a while since i have bought a full CD and i think the last one was Gavin Degraw - Make A Move

18.) What was the last book you read: Ruthless Trust- Brennan Manning

19.)Who was the last person you spoke to: my husband

20.) What was the last thing you ate: a Belvita Breakfast cookie

21.) What was the last thing you drank: Coke Zero

22.)What's the best thing you've ever bought: so far, i would say our home...i love our house!!

23.) What's the worst thing you've ever bought: everything i wasted money on in a past relationship

24.)What's the best thing you've ever been given: Life...Salvation

25.) What's the worst thing you've ever been given: bills, tickets, taxes...shall i continue?

26.)What are your future goals: I want to help others...i don't have a specific goal right now...I really want to do it all...I want to help the orphans, homeless...Military social work has always been something i have had interest in...I just want to be doing something for others. I want to make a lasting impact, using the challenges i have faced to help others where they are at.

27.)What's your most embarrassing moment: I have quiet a few but one of them i will never forget was my 11th grade year in high school at Powder Bowl practice and I was in a group to race to see who was the fastest. I was determined to prove myself and beat the fastest girl who ran track  at school...I was off to a good start until right before we got to the finish like my body got ahead of me and i literally nose-dived and somersaulted at the feet of all the guys who were our "coaches" lol


28.) Who do you consider the most beautiful woman in the world? physical beauty differs based on opinion, however, my mom and my grandma will always be the most beautiful women in my book, physically and inside as well.

29.) Favorite thing to do on a hot summers day: swim and lay out

30.) Favorite thing to do on a snowy winters day: not go to work :-)


31.)If you could go back in time to another decade which would it be: the 40's...Hello Frank Sinatra!

32.)What's the first thing you think about when you wake up: what am i going to wear?

33.)What exactly were you doing on September 11th as the terrorist attacks were being carried out in America: I was sitting on the steps at my private school in the gymnasium having reading time when the teacher came out and called me and the others back into the classroom and said something serious had happened. We watched the news for the rest of the day.

34.)Have you ever been in love: Of course!

35.)Do you believe in the after-life: absolutely

36.)Where do you see yourself in 10 years time: NOT A CLUE

37.)Would you ever consider having plastic surgery: only if something happened to me to require it

38.)Do you have any regrets in life: yep

39.)Any hidden talents: yep...and they are all still hiding from me so when i find them i will let ya know


40.)Last job: my previous job was as a care navigator for a non-profit organization in the medical/social work field.

41.) Current job:Admissions Representative

42.) Dream job: I have a lot of dream jobs...

43.)Who is your hero: non-fictional living- my Papa

Describe yourself in 3 words: realistic, giving, strong

*FAVORITES

44.) Favorite color: Black...no i am not morbid i just like Black..it's classy

45.)Favorite number: in highschool it was always 9 for some odd reason...now i don't have one

46.) Favorite animal: not a big animal person but I do like elephants...

47.) Favorite sport (to play)? softball or beach volleyball

48.)Favorite sport (to watch)? Baseball, UFC fighting :-) no really!

49.)Favorite Show(s)? Keeping up Appearances, Arrow, Law and Order SVU, Walker Texas Ranger

50.) Favorite movies: any war or military movie...Saving Private Ryan, Lone Survivor, Fast and the Furious movies, Speed, Grease

 

51.)Favorite band/ singer: hmmm i am a random music lover but I would say i really like NeedtoBreathe, Gavin Degraw, and Sam Hunt are my top likes

52.) Favorite song:Too many to list...

53.) Favorite room in the house; I love the sun room and the kitchen

54.) Favorite board game: twister...although it's not really a board game

55.)Favorite video games: Super Mario Cart

56.) Favorite food: I love spaghetti and meatloaf...not together lol

57.)Favorite fast-food: Cook out Quesadilla

58.)Favorite drink: water
59.)Favorite magazine: anything health and fitness related

60.)Favorite place: the mountains

61.) Favorite cartoon character: I don't watch cartoons anymore but i loved me some looney tunes back in the day

62.)Favorite day of the week: depends on what's going on and the week

63.)Favorite day of the year: I love Christmas because i love to give gifts

64.)Favorite season: Fall

65.) Favorite smell: Clean Laundry

*PREFERENCES

66.) Coke or Pepsi? Coke

67.) Pen or Pencil? depends on what i am doing

68.) Day or Night? early evening

69.) Cat or Dog? I am fine with both

70.) Summer or Winter? Summer

71.)T.V. or Radio? TV

72.)Brains or Beauty? Both

73.)Cup or Mug? Mug

74.)Tea or Coffee? Coffee

75.)Gold or Silver? both

76.)Brush or Comb? Brush if my hair is straight- comb for curls

77.)City or Country? best of both worlds

78.)Red or White wine? white

79.)Early or Late riser? Late if i have the option :-)

80.) Blond or Brunette? whatever

81.)Scarey or Romantic movies: Action please

82.) Board or Computer games: Board games

83.) Half full or Half empty? i tend to be Glass-Half-Empty person...it's unfortunate

84.) Happy and poor or Sad and rich: Happy in all circumstances

85.) Glasses or Contacts? i have glasses no contacts

86.)Flowers or Chocolates: Neither...take me somewhere instead :-) but if i had to pick...flowers

87.)Hugs or Kisses? depends on the occasion and person! Clearly i don't want kisses from the world and all it's inhabitants lol


*RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW
88.)What are you wearing: skinny jeans, fleece zip up vest,white long sleeve shirt, vans

89.)What's the latest news: Blake Shelton and Gwen are lovas!

90.) What's the weather like: Raining FOR THE PAST 2 WEEKS!!!!

91.)How do you feel: like i need sunlight!


*WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU...

92.) Cried: I am not a big crier...if i cry something is very wrong

93.) Laughed: yesterday

94.) Swore: Today :-(

95.) Got drunk: My 21st birthday...WORST DECISION EVER

96.)Had a bath/shower: This morning and probably again tonight...i bathe often!

97.)Smiled at someone? Today

98.)Said, 'I love you'? About 30 minutes ago,

a PAIN in the BUTT...no REALLY

For the past 6 weeks i have been dealing with a pain in the butt. A nuisance so overwhelming i could scream...in fact i have a few times. I have also cried a little and expressed quiet a few frustrations...So you might be wondering what exactly it is that is bothering me and driving me crazy...well...literally it is a pain in my butt (too much info maybe) . To get this to technical medical point...

I have been having numerous problems with my SI Joint also known as the Sacroiliac Joint...never heard of it?? Neither had I but now if you check my recent computer history or Google search engine on my home computer, cell phone, work computer, and kindle you will find this word over and over. The pain is one of two...it's either dull and discomforting but manageable, not disrupting my daily flow of life...or it is sharp, stabbing, and debilitating bringing me to my knees when i apply any movement or pressure to my right leg. It is in one spot in my lower back/butt area and let me tell you...it's the true definition of "a pain in the butt".

You might be wondering why I am sharing this with the world ( or the 2-3 people that will actually take time to read this) and to be honest...I'm sharing for my own personal record. When i start to thinking, a lot of times i forget to write or journal about it and i eventually forget all about it. I am trying to be more diligent in keeping track of the different thoughts, burdens, and passions that cross my mind. And right now, over the past 6 weeks, i have been trying to rack my brain on what unfathomable epiphany could come from this pain i am experiencing...To be honest...i have not quiet figured it out. The world would say it is life...live and get over it... the Bible says "All things work together for the good of those who love Him" and i am one of those who love Him, therefore i have to believe there is a rhyme and reason for this ailment. That doesn't mean i will ever understand it but it means that i can pray and seek too...

So in saying that a couple of things came to my mind tonight as i was working out...(remember my physical workouts are the expression of much deeper spiritual workouts)... the first thing was the re-occurrence of sin in our lives and overcoming that or succumbing to that. The pain I experience has not always been there. For the past 6 weeks it has been very prevalent but before that, it had been months upon months since i had felt it or known its existence and before that a year probably. It made me think about sin in my life. We all have our struggles...some seasons those struggles are basically invisible...i mean we know they are there but they are so faint we can't see them or feel the pull they have in our lives...then there are others times. Times where the struggle of our sins are so great that they seem to be debilitating to our life. They come at us like sharp unpredictable pains. We try everything but we can not seem to fend them off. Nothing helps...everywhere we turn we are surrounded by the temptation. It keeps up from being who we are outside of that sin. It keeps us from doing things we are called to do by a much Higher Power. It distracts us from what we should be doing and reminds us of all our limitations and failures.

HOWEVER...there is much peace in knowing that...

 "¹³ No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."- 
 1 Corinthians 10:13

AND...we can't ignore and forget...

  "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."-  
2 Corinthians 12:9



I don't know that this is the Lord's rhyme or reason in my literal pain in the butt...however i do find comfort in the promises of His Word...and right now...this pain is a weakness for me. It's attempting to keep me from being active, healthy, and happy. It distracts me from the needs of others and puts my focus upon myself. I can't say i have mastered this part yet, but i am truly trying to turn my weakness into His strength. I am trying to allow my pain to bring me to the feet of Jesus. To call upon Him...to thank him for His Grace and Provisions. To be reminded that my needs in comparison to the needs of others is minute and that in the moment i am overwhelmed by my problem i am reminded of the much greater ones that surround me and the people of this world and the ones i love....

So...that my friends...is my current PAIN in the BUTT...

give a little...GIVE A LOT

  There is a story in the Bible that i would gather most of us are pretty familiar with. The story of the Widows offering or also known as the Widows Mite. If you have never heard the story, the verses below will tell it.

Luke 21:1-4English Standard Version (ESV)

The Widow's Offering

21 Jesus^[a] looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the offering box, ² and he saw a poor widow put in two small copper coins.^{[b] 3} And he said, “Truly, I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all of them. ⁴ For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.”

I was reminded of this as i was reading a book this morning and felt the need to post on it. Lucky for you all, this will be short and sweet... unlike the majority of my posts. :-) 

The truth that lies in this moment in history some thousands of years ago is that it's not about the bounty or amount or price that is upon what you give to the Lord as offering. It is about the heart. It is about giving the Lord all that you have...entrusting him with your riches, be it $1,000,000 or $1. God does not expect or desire one large set sum amount from the entire population of his flock...He wants us to be willing to relent what we do have and give him all with a heart of devotion and love. 

This story was brought to life one day for me. I witnessed it with my own eyes. Actually, it was kinda like a multiple epiphany. A little over a month ago i was blessed to go to NYC on a mission trip for 12 days. One of the ministries we were a part of was an outdoor Bibleschool at a local park on Coney Island. It was not your typical BibleSchool we southern baptist people are most familiar with. It was held at a rec center in a park and rather than it being a ton of children from the church that was hosting it , it was random children and even some of their parents that just happened to be in the park or lived in that area. This majority being children and adults that did not attend church and did not have a personal relationship with Jesus. 

When we got there, i met a sweet girl who was around the age of 9. She was such a beautiful girl and had the biggest warmest smile on her face. I sat down and began to talk to her and very quickly realized that this young girl hungered for God. Her faith was much greater than my own and her heart and craving for the Word was as well. She was not raised in church but was able to come to this Bible school and she loved it. She clung tightly to what she was taught about Jesus. Honestly, my words can not describe the Spirit and Power that was upon this young girl. 

As we continued to talk, she told me about all she had learned that week in Bible school. She showed me her notebook she carried with her to write EVERYTHING down in...and then she showed me something else so precious. She showed me a bag full o

f coins. Mostly pennies but lots and lots of them. She said that every night they took up and offering and that she could not wait to give her coins to the Lord. (Me=Mindblown/Gut-punched)

As the night began and Bible school progressed, we reached the end where offering was taken up. I watched my beautiful little friend Antoinette, joyfully yet so humbly, pour her coins of offering before the Lord. You have to understand that this young girl had very little raising or spiritual leading. Not coming from a financially stable homelife, walking to the park from a significant distance away . This was not just a child bringing change their parents gave them for offering...this was a child pouring her riches before the Lord. Riches that she had collected and kept safe...riches that she did not spend on a soda and candy or music or a doll. Money she had collected and saved over time waiting for this moment to selflessly lay them before the Lord without any hesitation, second guessing or doubt. This was the widow offering her last mites. An offering that the world would look at and say "what good is that going to do?" but an offering so RICH to the Lord that He places more value on that than the $1,000,000 donation given by the Multi-billionaire.

The Lord touched a part of my soul in that moment...it felt like time had stood still for a moment and i was witnessing a happening from long ago with the Savior. As if i was actually sitting beside Jesus witnessing the widow give her mite. It's moments like this where God's Word becomes more real than ever. When TRUTH becomes alive. 

My prayer is that i would give selflessly of all that i have. That i would cherish nothing so much, that i am not willing to relinquish it and that i would cherish Him so much that i would relinquish it all...

Working Out or Working IT Out

A year ago this month, i began a life-changing journey. At that time i honestly had no idea as to how it would really affect my life. It's funny because I don't think anyone close to me really had an idea. This time last year, i came to a fork in the road. I was the heaviest i had ever been which for my height was considered overweight. My weight gain did not help already diagnosed health problems like my lack of mobility with my left hip from a tear. Also, i had developed some significant stomach problems that had resulted in me being afraid to go and do things i would have normally been apart of before. Due to a very dark season prior, i also found myself in dark trench surrounded by anxiety, depression, and raging anger. And we all know that those emotions in general bring your quality of life down.

I came to a place in life where I was forced to embrace the misery that i was sinking in and continue down that road until... (dun dun dunn--insert miserable life story here) OR...I could totally change directions. I could take back the life I was blessed to have and life it the way the Lord was calling me to live it. Over the past year, i have kept off 25 lbs., become educated about health and nutrition, became a runner (this is still a work in progress), learned to cook healthy, happy, hearty meals, and been ever so faithful to my gym membership and daily exercise. And that my fellow readers is what brings me to this little write up... I am actually not writing about the adventurous journey i am on (although it's pretty blog worthy) but i wanting to share a bit about my WORK OUTS.

Ever since i became routine with working out last September, i realized how vital to my days it is. Just to give you an idea of what i do, i started out with just a High Intensity workout program called 9-Rounds. I must thank it for teaching me commitment and how to push my self physically. About 4 months ago i also got a gym membership to give me more access to weights and indoor cardio.  I also began running back in December and fell in love with that. Now, I am actually more in the gym than anything doing weights and cardio and am actually a part of an awesome program my friend created for women. This program has challenged me greatly in the sense that it "don't play no games" as the saying says. It pushes you to find your limit and push a little past it each day. It also requires commitment and self discipline. I have realized in doing this program that before this, i really did not "work-out". I exercised daily, and don't get me wrong, i absolutely benefited from it. However, i was not doing what i consider to be "working-out".

And that brings me to a reality i have been pondering the past week. I think sometime there may be a negative connotation link to the term "working-out". I mean if you say you are exercising, that is general and paints a giant picture from going for a walk, swimming with the kids, doing an aerobics class, or playing tennis. (ALL AWESOME BENEFICIAL THINGS) But when i hear the phrase 'working out' the reoccurring picture that gets painted is a smelly gym with a bunch of beef heads pumping iron and taking their flex-selfies. I actually struggled with telling people i was going to work out because there were a few times not too long ago where people made there comments about not being as healthy as me or  i guess more or less singled me out as if i put myself on a pedestal because of certain lifestyle choices. The other day though i began to think about it and to be honest this is my heart on the matter....

I WORK-OUT...and i LOVE it. It is a vital part of my day and if i don't get to and it's a day i should i am frustrated. BUT.... <--(key word here)

It's not because i feel like i am going to gain all my weight back again or lose muscle i have worked hard to get...it's because my WORK OUTs go so much deeper than the physical realm. My work out is a time where i get in a zone, put my headphones on, and blast the words and truth of my Heavenly Father. It's hours of listened to his word. It's time where i am physically working out my muscles but mentally, spiritually, and emotionally, i am working out my fears, anxieties, stresses, questions, and concerns with my God. It is such a parallel for me, the physical and the spiritual. It's been moments during my workouts that i have heard the Lord speak to my heart and show me things I had not seen before. It's work outs that I am listening to all different types of Christian music and it's that one phrase i catch in between my catching breaths and water breaks that penetrates my deepest worries with the light of God's Truth.

When i go into the gym...YES...i go in there to do work. I don't want to come out unless i am sweaty-nasty-gross. But it's the same with my walk with the Lord. I don't want to leave until i have shredded every ounce of filth, sin, and crap that begins to build up throughout my days and clouds my heart and soul from loving and showing Jesus to others. I don't want to leave until i have praised God sooo much people are starting to think i am the crazy girl who wears headphones and talks to her self , every now and then raising her hands on the treadmill ( in praise) and randomly smiling in affirmation of the awesomeness of God-Almighty.

My work-outs mean the world to me. Do I think everyone in the gym thinks the way i do...NAHHHHH... do i think there is probably someone else in there actually using their time to refuel and strengthen their personal home of the Holy-Spirit? Absolutely... Do i think that people can get sooo obsessed with the physical aspect that it becomes their god and life? OF COURSE...do i pray against that everyday in my personal life... YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT.

I am so thankful for the many things God has done in my life over the past year. Just when i thought God had done His work by allowing me to achieve the physical accomplishments, He decided to rock my world and totally restore- renew- revive- and ignite the inside of my being. God is so good and nothing i write in this blog could ever do Him justice or express His goodness enough. It could never depict His strength and power. Only a personal encounter and experience can do that and that is my prayer. My prayer is that my life shouts of an experience with God...not just one life changing one, but one that takes place day in and day out. A constant encounter with the most-glorious, most high, God and Creator of the Universe...

 Until next time...

PS::

Vinegar baths are clutch for WORK-OUT post recover :-p

Come Close and See for Yourself....

If you follow me on facebook or know me well, you know that I just recently got back from a 12 day trip to NYC. I left with a group on July 1st and came back on July 12th. I have been to NY 7 or 8 times but this was by far the longest i have ever stayed. Back in 2007 i made my first trip to work with an organization called NYSUM (New York School of Urban Ministry) , and it was there that it was clear tome that I was going to major in Social Work when i reached college. The ministry works with teaching, equipping, and sending people out to be the hands and feet of Christ to the inner city hurting people all over NYC. They work with many other ministries providing an array of services. Anything from Homeless ministry, to street and subway evangelism, drug and detox center ministry, childrens' ministry, and even the ministry or maintaining and improving the facility they have in order to house and train up short term missionaries in the service. I strongly urge anyone who has never heard of this ministry to look into it and even more check it out in person and plan a short term trip. I promise you will not be disappointed...

This post is not about the ministry i did (even though I could write for days about how personal and life changing it was). This post is about how God totally took a hold of my being and shook me into the awareness of just how good, freeing, and active His presence is. I want to back track a bit to where i was before the trip. Actually, I would like to back track to where I have been over the past couple of years...i feel i must for you to even semi-understand the change and awakening that took place.

Compared to some people, i have been truly blessed in the life i have lived thus far. Raised by Christian parents who, like everyone else, made some mistakes, but NEVER strayed away from teaching there 3 children (me and my two brothers) that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is true and good. In fact one of the many lessons i was taught at a very young age was that my family was FILTHY rich....well maybe not by the worlds standards. As a kid I tended to be pretty nosey (hard to believe i know) and i was constantly trying to listen in to my parents whispering convos. Not understanding a lot then i would hear them talk about finances and struggles and in my head i automatically KNEW that that meant we were poor, broke, and going to end up without anything. I asked my mom regularly if we were poor and would we be able to make it (this question is coming from a 5 year old remember) and my mom ALWAYS responded back without any hesitation or thought, " Bethany, we will never be poor. We are as rich as we could ever be on this earth and you know why i can i can say that with confidence? Because we have Jesus in our heart, and as long as you have Jesus you have everything you will ever need." That was just one of the many blessings i had growing up. I was blessed with a roof over my head, a vehicle to drive when i was 16, the ability to go on vacations and shopping trips, i had a job that was with all my friends...overall i lived a typical "american teenager" life.

The majority of my battles were inward in the first part of my life. I struggled with my identity and finding acceptance in Christ. I hated what i saw in the mirror (as most pre-teen and teenage girls do), i struggled with eating disorders and overall brokenness. I struggled with trusting others in my life and asking for life. (still nothing too life altaring) I walked the aisle of my church and met Jesus at the age of 8 but it was not until i was 15 that i truly experience what it meant to hand my whole life over to the authority and leading of Christ. I told the Lord then that I was His. I wanted to be used for His purpose. I would go where He wanted and share His love always. I wanted to be used by Him. I got involved at missions with my church and felt the blessing of what being apart of that was in ones life. Through highschool i grew in my faith. Of course i made some mistakes ( i was a stupid teenageer rememebr) but overall i continued to pursue the Lord daily. Soon enough, it was time for college. I attended a small private college in my hometown that had a great Social Work program and I began my first summer after college working at an awesome Christian camp. That was one of the most growing periods of my life. I have never felt more in the will of GOd than when i was serving there. Even if it was taking out the trash and cleaning the facilities...i knew it was where God wanted me. I was growing and being poured into daily. Life was good and God was good.

After my first summer serving at camp and my first year of college my world shook at the news of the unexpected death of my best friend.That moment the realities of this world, life and death, pain and sorrow, disconnect from the Lord, all hit me at once. My very bright and happy world turned gloomy and dim. I did not lose hope in faith but clung to the Grace of GOd and it was only through the promise of resurrection and life that I have in Christ, that enables me to deal with that earthly and temporary loss. It was also that loss that woke me up to realize, we have NO CLUE what tomorrow holds and what are we really doing because of that? From that point on i became more aware of pain around me. Stress made it self known in ways i had never experienced before. I can say that after that my relationship with Christ became so much more real to me also.

As anyone knows, just because your world has stopped turning in the midst of pain, the days continue to tarry and life must go on. As the years passed i learned how to deal with grief and still live life with an aspect of Joy, though it was not always easy. What i did not know was that its not a ONE TOUGH LIFE moment world we live in. Everyone is not dealt one card of personal turmoil and then the rest is a free journey full of wins. Every season has a storm and it was not long until i reached another one. I found myself at a place lower and darker than i felt i had ever been in before. I had trusted so much that i allowed myself to be broken by and overrun. I had become so sure about where i was and the picture of what was in front of me that I gave up all control of making my own decisions. I trusted in ways i had never trusted and i was blinded in ways i never imagined possible. It was in a relationship of deception, pain, and lies that i found myself bitter, angry, and broken. Shut off from the world around me and shut off from the goodness of God. As i finally began to recognize the realities of the danger zone i was in and began to flee, i met my husband. What a blessing he was and is to me. Anyone that knows us will come in agreement as to how unimaginable us two together was. I can honestly say it was truly a God placement and working. We are polar opposites and were at totally different places in life.

I don't want to digress as i could go from here and write 1,000s of pages on how awesome my husband is (and how he drives me a little loco at times too ) but i want to stay on track. Josh came into my life at the darkest moment i had ever experience. I think we both thought that he was going to be the person that flipped the switch for me. It was like I was living in this huge old mansion full of secret hallways, stairways, and rooms for days, but the power had been disconnected and it was so dark. The only thing you could see were the eyes of all the creepy crawlers living in the darkness i was in. It was clear that he was the new owner that was coming to restore the power and clean out the cob webs and munsters that had inhabited that place and make it  a sweet home for us to live. Unfortunately that was the farthest thing from reality and not even possible. The restoration that needed to be done was impossible for human hands to handle.

We have been married now for a approaching 1 year and a half and i would be lying if I said it has been an easy year. It  has been the farthest from that. Though to the outside world who knows me would say i am a happy, crazy, cheerful, full of faith person, that was not the case on the inside. I have been broken for so long. The cry on the inside of my heart has been one of anger and distrust. I literally had a convo with my husband one day explaining to him that i loved him more than life but that i dont think i would ever be able to truly trust him or any other human and there love for me. I was at a place where i was un-willing to allow any human being into the tiny crevices of my heart. I would be honest with you but absolutely not show you my weakness. I did not talk or share my heart with him, i cringed when he wanted to pray together and i excused myself by saying i felt it was necessary to continue to grow individually in our faiths even though we were still married. My world was dark. Everything i looked at had a blackness around it. It had a shadow of pain. I was still pursuing God and growing and because of that it became clear to me that I was willing to give the Lord pieces of me but i had taken back a huge part of myself. I refused to trust whole-heartedly in anyone or anything.

About a year ago, the Lord began to start to chisel away at the brokenness in my life. He began to show me healing one area at a time. Keep in mind, i was still holding on to so much hurt i was willing to relinquish so this was not going to be a quick fix. One thing after another began to happen in my heart that allowed me to want to turn the lights on. Things transpired that showed me the sweetness of God but i still could not let him to everything. As the months went by , that heart of ministry and missions that the Lord lit a flame for 10 years ago began to re-ignite. It was just a small glisten at the moment. Barely able to be seen, however it brought some light to the darkness of the empty mansion my heart was residing in. It did however give me a small desire to begin pursuing reaching out to others and sharing the Hope i have. Some months ago i was asked about going on a 12 days mission trip to Mongolia. My health was good and my heart was seeking the Lord and it took me an hour to say ABSOLUTELY....

Long story short...that was what the Lord wanted from me. His plan was never to send me to Mongolia, his plan was to give me something big enough that i would be willing to beg for the days off during our busy time and commit to GOING. It's funny how the Lord works because like i said, i did not end up in Mongolia, but i ended up in NYC instead. On a missions trip that i had taken 7 times before. For 12 days at that ( a really long time for a small-town southern girl to be in the BIG APPLE). This is where i could start to talk about every encounter i experienced with the Lord on that trip (and let me tell you there were a lot) but I would rather tell you about the beautifully-messy change the God of this Universe did in my life. It did not have anything to do with the city of NY or even the ministry necessarily. It had to do with the fact that for 12 days He had me away from every distraction and comfortability that surrounded me at home. He had me away from the reminders i faced everyday of the bondage and pain i had once experienced. HE had me in the hands of His.

It was over the passing of 12 days in NYC that I can say that the chains of bondage and slavery that entangled my heart and soul were broken. It was over those twelve days that I was forced to come face to face with his Spirit and the power that lies with in it. It was those 12 days that i had no option but to relinquish the condemned dark mansion i was living in. I could no longer defend the darkness. And instead of the power being in turned on...the Lord pulled me out of the basement whole i was in and brought me into the beautiful sunlight of his presence. He reminded me of how good He is and how strong He is . He reminded me that when he placed a call upon my life 10 years ago i signed the papers over to him and those papers stated that i could NEVER be bought back or re-sold. It was a permanent transaction. He showed me that there IS POWER IN THE NAME OF JESUS and that HE DOES BREAK EVERY CHAIN and that those CHAINS DO FALL OFF in the presence of the KING. I know that reading this its your typical God experience blog. It is your typical heavenly high of coming back from being on a mission trip. And you know honestly i struggle with those same thoughts and feelings. However, i can put my life upon the truth that what i experienced in NY was something that only someone who has been chained up, alone, scared, and angry could experience. The bondage of my soul flowed into everything i touched around me. It created a misery in and of itself. And the FREEDOM i experienced in truly waking up to a world of hope, joy, and promise is something that only my God can provide and do. I have struggled with how i share my heart of the trip and what God has done. When i came home the first thing i did was break down to my husband and share the amazing freedom Christ had poured upon me as well as ask for forgiveness for the ways i had treated him over the years. For stifling his spirit of joy because i could not find my own.

I am on day 5 of being home and i know deep down my husband is waiting to wake up and have his misreable angry hateful wife back. To be honest i wake up in immediate prayer that the Lord will protect from that and lead me and guide me to His heart. The Spirit is more than alive in my life and it is a GREAT thing. I can't stand to go hours without talking to the Lord. Without praising and thanking him. I cant turn on worship music with out shouting out in praise. I look forward more than anything to the time at the end of the night of praying and reading the Word of God with my husband. God has truly made a change in my heart and soul and he has led me out of that condemned mansion of brokenness i was living in and bulldozed it. He has brought me out into his presence of Sunlight and pastures of goodness and instead of being constrained, He is placing a desire to GO, to be free in His Spirit, to reach a lost and dying world and witness the bondage of others be broken. GOD IS SOOO GOOD....

It's funny because i am sitting at starbucks right now typing this. I came with the intentions to read a maybe blog a bit but i really wanted to spend time with my Father because it pains my heart to think about people thinking this is not a genuine change and re-birth in my life. That this is just a temporary high that will fade. I need reassurance from my God that this is REAL...the is His calling and leading and changing upon my life. I opened my Bible and read a Psalm and then decided to pick up my reading in Acts 4. This is what the Lord said ...

" Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus."-Acts 4:13

You can believe in coincidence all you want but i know that the Spirit of the Lord speaks and that is His word. Come close to me and you too will see I have been with Jesus. Am i perfect... NOOOOOO the farthest thing from it...Am i REDEEMED and set free...ABSOLUTELY!


...:Disclaimer:...

If you have made it to this point i apologize for the grammatical errors.  I always proofread later :-)

To answer your WHY question...

This quote says it all:

"The day we stop DREAMING is the day we start DYING. When imagination is SACRIFICED on the altar of LOGIC, God is ROBBED of the GLORY that rightfully belongs to Him. In fact, the DEATH of a DREAM is often a subtle form of IDOLATRY. We LOSE faith in the GOD who GAVE us the BIG dream and settle for the SMALL dream that we can accomplish WITHOUT His help. We go after dreams that DONT require DIVINE intervention. We go after dreams that DONT require PRAYER. And the God who is able to do IMMEASUREABLY more than all our right brain can imagine is supplanted by a god---lowercase g---who fits within the LOGICAL constraints of our left brain. "

There are a lot of people that i am sure are wondering WHY we are doing what we are doing with Advocare. They think that we are caught up on some "pyramid scheme" that is going to leave us high and dry when it's all said and done. To be honest with you...i must say that i don't blame the people that initially think that. I personally have thought it myself about others in the past. It's expected in today's society where there are so many "own your own business/become a millionaire from your couch" advertisements everywhere you turn. I don't blame people for their hesitations. That is why i am writing this.

I want to explain to the reading world WHY Advocare and why us? First things first. Advocare started as 100% health focused and me focused. I started a challenge back in August 2014 with little expectations and low hopes. I was at one of the rockiest places i have ever been in my lifetime. My health was not good, i was absolutely inactive in every way, i had developed chronic stomach problems, was the heaviest i had ever been, watched my pants size go up 2 numbers in a year span and was battling a LOT of emotional and spiritual demons of my past circumstances and place in life. I had lost respect for myself, my body, and my overall well-being.

On the challenge i saw immediate results and more than that i saw myself begin to turn a corner in life. I felt myself begin to loosen chains of bondage that i had experienced from a previous relationship. I began to look in the mirror and see a person that was put here for a purpose far greater than man could direct. I lost 13 lbs, 3 and a half inches off my waist and for the first time in years was staying up later than 8pm and actually going to the gym daily. I began to trust God more and break down strong walls i had built up. I began to trust my husband more and accept his love and grace he was continuously trying to give me but i had been continuously pushing away. I began to smile for no reason and i began to carry myself with confidence. That is where i started with

Advocare...100% health and healing for me.

Now let me tell you why we are where we are today...

Rewind years and years back and you will find me as a child saying i wanted to adopt when people would ask me if i was going to be a mommy one day. At the time, people laughed and assumed i said that because i was young and had a very little pain and doctor tolerance, but i can honestly remember in my heart truly believing that 110%. Fast forward to highschool and i was still saying the same thing. Fast forward to college and guess what...i still said the same thing. Fast forward to post-college and growing into adult hood and pursuing more serious relationships and i was still 110% sure that i wanted to pursue family through adoption. A lot of people did not and do not understand it. I have actually taken a lot of hits for it (that is a different blog) and i think a lot of people STILL dont think i am serious. they think it is a phase.
 However, i have NEVER been more sure in my life.

I am married now and that was one of the first conversations i had with my husband when we started dating. I know that is a big deal to a lot of people and i understand that. I did not want to hit him down the road when things were more serious with the whole "I feel called to pursue family through adoption and will be fine with not carrying a child in my womb"conversation. Surprisingly (not surprisingly now that i know my husband) he was 110% fine with that. I think he was more fine with that initially than when i told him i wanted to adopt 100 children if we could afford it :-p. that one caught him a little off guard.

Anyway...as i was saying,

When i think of pregnancy i think of the adoption process. When i think of family i think of foster care and children of all ages, backgrounds, and cultures. When i think of having children i worry if we will not be able to "conceive". That would be for us to not have the funds to adopt or to care for a child's needs financially. Or to get to the very end of the process and to find out the child is no longer there for adoption. (my version of miscarriage) I think about the what-ifs a lot.

I will never forget the conversation my husband and i had dating when he asked me where i saw us in 10 + years. My exact response was for he and I to be the mother and father to a TON of children, whether it was through actual adoption, foster care and temporary placement, or running a children's home or orphanage. I also told him i saw us starting and funding an organization that raised awareness for adoption and orphan care and built children's homes here in the US or orphanages overseas or both. I will never forget his response..."I could definitely see myself doing that with you". He even went to the extent of tattooing the word ADOPTED on his arm along with the Romans reference that mentions us being adopted into the kingdom of God (that too is for another blog as it was a not so pleasant at the moment he "surprised" me :-/ )

On March 8th, 2014 Josh and I got married and the ride began. To be honest I did not put my desire of adoption and our big goals and dreams to the side but we had numerous discussions on IF and WHEN we would ever be able to financially pursue those things. It honestly made me start questioning a lot of things. I tried to imagine myself being pregnant and birthing our children but it just has never felt right in my heart. Not to say that there is no chance of that happening. As far as i know we could have children...and if so praise God ...a child is a blessing no matter what. But when i think about our family and starting it my mind goes directly to foster care and adoption.

God has blessed us IMMENSELY. He has provided us with an amazing home, a manageable income, little debt compared to what a lot of people have, supportive family, and i could go on and on. God also blessed us with a passion and desire for the fatherless and motherless. He blessed us with a yearning for family and children. He blessed me with a background in social work and josh with the spiritual gifts of mercy and compassion. And now....God has blessed us with confirmation that this is not a far-fetched feeling or phase in life but that this is an embedded dream into our very souls placed their by the Holy Spirit. I KNOW we are called to this. I KNOW that God is going to show up and show out. I KNOW that we are going to be parents to TONS of children and we ARE going to start our organization and that we ARE going to be able to give of ourselves sacrificially and abundantly when it comes to finances.
  I KNOW this because the Lord showed us that.

He spoke it to us clearer than it  could have ever been thanks to a couple who allowed God to lead them and followed the open door to Advocare and then had the courage to share their story and testimony of God's grace and provision in front of a room of 5,000+ people where God saw fit to make me one of them.

 We are pursuing Advocare, not just because we are a product of the products and not just because we believe in the founding principles and values of Advocare...but because we have BIG DREAMS...KINGDOM BUILDING SATAN STOMPING DREAMS that requires a financial vehicle that can take us to BIG places. I am passionate about Advocare because i am a believer in the products, but more so, because i believe in the future and lives of our children and our family and the many other families and lives that can be changed just by getting out of comfort zones and allowing a BIG God do some BIG things.

This is a rambling of words and has probably left you more confused than ever as it is late and i am tired and if you have even read it all i am impressed..But i want people to know our hearts. I want people to know just HOW BIG this is in our lives. Its not always easy and it's very much not always comfortable but anytime we start to hesitate and turn the other way, the Lord has graciously taken us by the hand and nudged us forward.

Until he stops doing, we will continue doing. Until He stops leading, We will continue following. Until he shuts the door it will remain wide open...