I was so blessed to be able to do an internship through college with an organization that worked with people who had no medical coverage. I was able to do medical, social needs, alcohol and drug, and mental health assessments for the many people that past through the agency. I loved working with those in need. Deciding to get my degree in Social Work was never a question for me . It was always something that felt right and natural, so this job was exactly what i had signed up for. OR so i thought. I always told myself that social work was just a way for me to get a more thorough education in an area that God had already called me to do as a Christian and Follower of Christ. I mean my very anti-religion anti-god professor himself would state countless times throughout my college classes that Jesus Christ was the ultimate definition of a Social Worker. I did a 6 month internship with the organization and my last day there i was told to put in an application because a job had been created just so they could hire me on. I was super excited about this open door opportunity. I had already marked my plan. I would work there and go back to school and get my Masters and then have an open door into the hospital that the organization was under. (i must have temporarily forgotten that i have white coat syndrome and going into a hospital makes me sick) I had good benefits and worked with some really awesome ladies. I was also given the opportunity to be apart of an organization that was just beginning to really spread wings and grow. Needless to say it was a great place to be.
About 4 months in I really started to lose my confidence in that being the right place for me. Something just did not feel right. I found myself leaving work daily with the most empty and hopeless feeling. I had grown to be miserable which had me questioning a lot. Was I not right for Social Work? Had i totally picked the wrong career and college path? So many things ran through my mind. After giving myself time to really think and process my feelings of discontent, i realized what my feelings always came back to. I was helping people daily. I was helping them enroll in an organization that was providing them free doctor care. I was setting them up with housing, shelters, alcohol and drug rehab, mental health rehab. I was sending them home with toiletries and home products. I was helping them get their medications for free and jobs. I was doing all this good stuff....however the one thing i was not doing nor was i allowed to do was give them Jesus. Every client that i spoke with, i would ask " Are you apart of a religious group or church"? And i would get all kinds of responses. Some people were and other were not. Some people would tell me they were jehovas witness, buddhist, atheist, wiccan, and on and on and on . And then after documenting these answers i had to move on to the next. Because of all the laws and regulations that go into hospitals and organizations, I was not allowed to share my faith. If someone asked me i could but I could not just bring it up and share with them. I got to the point where i realized that I was just not okay with providing a temporary fix to these peoples problems when i held the key to the permanent fix, a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
I fought with this for a while. I had never just up and quit a job, especially without another job lined up. I prayed and prayed for specific answers and i prayed for God to open my eyes to the right time to leave. I had taken a week off for our annual beach camp trip and i took along a book i was randomly reading at the time. I got the book in the mail for free and just happened to start reading it. It was called Revolution in World Missions by K.P. Yohannan. It was crazy because one morning in my time with the Lord i was led to read some in my book and the part i read spoke specifically to the fact that as a believer, if we meet the needs of others physically without touching their spiritual needs then we are leaving them worse off than when they came to us. It could not get any clearer. Needless to say, the day after i got back and went to work, i spoke with my boss and explained a little bit of my heart with her and put my two week notice in. I had no idea what was in store for me but i knew there was something.
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| College Times Pre Employment :-) |
before it ever happened. It had been so long since i had shared my faith so bluntly and it felt so good. My heart felt alive. I was so grateful for that moment for so many different reasons. The students did not leave until after 1am.
Today as i sat in church something triggered my heart. I am not sure what but it was like i heard the Lord saying you are helping others physically and spiritually. He reminded me of my past job and the turmoil i felt in my heart as well as the deep conviction and he allowed me to see the confirmation in that feeling his leading me to where i am now. I have taken for granted having the freedom to share the Love and Jesus with others and until you are in a place where you cant share your heart and faith, the challenge to do so is not as strong. I must say that i do not do all that i can in sharing my Faith in my job, but i can say that when i pray for the Lord to help me and open doors of opportunity, he will do so. Today i have been thanking God for placing me where He wanted me rather than where i thought i was suppose to be.
(Sorry for any grammatical errors but i hate proof reading :-( )
