Fitness and ME...

I have been working out regularly now for a year and half and the other day I started to think about things changing over time. I started thinking about how I have favorites now...favorite exercises and times to work out, favorite healthy recipes, favorite outdoor activities...I also have least favorite things that I do and eat...not necessarily because i enjoy them but more because i know i need them. Instead of writing lots of boring paragraphs about where i am at with all the "fitness-nonsense" (some of you would call it)...i figured i would just make a list of some stuff...This will benefit no one but if you want to know more about me then it will give that....

1. How often do you workout?  My goal is 6 days a week but a lot of the time it turns into 5.  
2. When did you start working out? August 2014 I joined 9Rounds...I liked it because i had ZERO gym knowledge and always felt uncomfortable going to a regular gym. Also, i was very out of shape and had no idea where to start. I loved that i could get a killer workout in 30mins and had a personal trainer there to help. 
3. Has your workout regimen changed since you started? Absolutely...July 2015 I started a fitness program a good friend of mine created called Alpha Female (Highly recommend it) I had joined Planet Fitness prior to that and that program really helped me become educated with a gym and weights as well as broke down my daily workouts teaching me a lot about training and getting the results i was looking for. 
4. Favorite body part to workout? It's been a growing relationship that took a lot of work...but...my favorite day is Leg day...I remember my first leg day like it was yesterday. I barely made it through the workout and honestly thought i would need a wheelchair afterwards. We had an event on campus that week which forced me to be up and walking up and down stairs regularly. I was in so much pain I needed assistance in sitting and standing. I thought i had torn every fiber in my legs...Good news...i have grown to LOVE leg day...It pushes me to the limit but i have fallen in love with it. :-)
5. Least favorite body part workout? Abs...i love the aftermath of ab days but getting through them is rough. It''s my most dreaded part of my workouts but I will see pushing through abs pays off.  I am always glad when i finish but hate life getting there. 
6. Easiest toned body part? The first muscle tone i noticed when i first started working out at 9 rounds were my deltoid muscles/shoulders. When i started to actual gym workouts and focusing on specific parts each day...i can still conclude that my deltoids tone pretty quickly and take little pushing.
   
   
   
   
   
7. Hardest toned body part? ABS for sure...abs have been a slow show for me. I know some people who have natural abs. They don't even really have to try...me not so much. I know that abs take dedication and discipline and i can honestly say I haven't put it all over the past year and half...I have started to see more results over the past few months but it has proven to be from pushing through and being disciplined in my eating habits. 
8. Do you starve yourself? I love this question...believe it or not that is the assumption of most people when people make healthy choices. Yes i have lost 30 lbs since August 2014. I lost 25 of that in 3 months from changing the way i ate. NO i did not starve myself...in fact I ate more food. I try to eat 5-6 times a day. I try to consume 140g of protein a day (that's a lot) ...i have never counted calories...I have done Macronutrients where i track my carbs, protein, and fat intake every day and try to hit a certain number. When i was doing that consistently i actually found myself eating more than ever. I try to eat clean but i am not super strict. I have my occasional milkshake and bag of chips or drive through biscuit. I have learned alot about cooking and foods and i try to make healthy choices...not because i dont want to be "fat" but because I had severe stomach problems 2 years ago that prevented me from living life fully and put me in some of the worst pain i have ever experienced. I DONT want to live like that daily and have found eating healthier has fixed it. 
9. Favorite healthy food? I would have to break this question down into categories... - Favorite Meat- I love Salmon...i love fish of any kind of Salmon is my favorite - I also love Meatloaf :-) -Favorite Veggie- raw i like fresh broccoli...cooked or steamed i like brussels sprouts or greens -Favorite Complex Carb- I love sweet potatoes!!!!  -Favorite Sweet Treat- i love protein balls and i also really love toasted tortilla with natural peanut butter, drizzle of honey and sprinkled unsweetened coconut...
   
10.  Favorite only in moderation food?  PIZZA, biscuits, and chips...These cause me great weakness.
11. Do you drink coffee? I dont think caffeine is bad personally. As long as it is in moderation. I do drink coffee everyday. I take it with light soy milk or unsweetened original almond milk and sometimes one pack of cane sugar. 
12. Do you use supplements? Yep...i started with Advocare a year and half ago and that was the first time i ever used supplements. I fell in love and am extremely impressed with what they produce. I think vitamins are vital to daily life and people really miss out who do not take them. I have been slack lately but i try to keep stock of probiotic, omega fish oil vitamins, amino acid supplements. 
13. Do you use workout enhancers? I do use pre-workout although i absolutely hate flavored drinks like that and don't think they are good for you. I also use an amino acid powder supplement while i workout and i take a supplement that helps with oxygen during workouts. Those are  my regulars. I have used creatine before...not sure how i fully feel about that one. 
14. When is your favorite time to workout? I like to workout after work...i don't do well when i get off that schedule and have to pull a morning shift at the gym. 
15. Do you really enjoy working out or do you do it because you don't like the way you look? I have gone through seasons in life where i have not been confident in who i am...and to say i don't have days where i feel less than would be a lie...i am female and i am human..I go to the gym because i love to push myself. I love the fact that i can release a LOT of negative stress in a way that benefits my body and makes me better. I love that when I go to the gym, i can put my headphones in and disconnect from the hectic screaming world around me. I LOVE to sweat...weird and gross i know but i do. It means i have accomplished something. It means that i am active and able. I can't tell you the last time i stepped on the scale or measured any part of my body. I am thankful for who I am and what I am able to do physically. I am thankful that i have a choice and the ability to better myself and strengthen myself. I know i might not always have that and i want to take advantage of it while i do.
    

So there you go...a little bit about my "fitness journey" as many call it...







"I fall, I rise, I make mistakes, I live, I learn, I've been hurt but I am alive. I'm human, I'm not perfect. But I'm thankful."

I AM CAPABLE...

Homelessnes...hungry...cold...alone...weary...anxious...broken...uneducated...orphaned...

Brazil '09

These are all words that i know the meaning of but for most of them I don't know the actual life . I have not lived and experienced them...

I have never been homeless, a wanderer, not knowing where my head will lay when darkness approaches.

I have never been hungry, truly hungry not having a choice of my next meal or even knowing what it will consist of.

I have never been so cold knowing that it may never end. Knowing that there may never be warmth. Sure i have gone places and forgotten a jacket or not been properly clothed, but nothing without the expectation and knowledge that the moment will come when i am back in the warmth of my car, house, restaurant or wherever it may be.

Alone...now there have been moments where i have felt so alone...where i have felt that my place in the world did not exist and that I was the only one walking through the valley i was walking...however, even that word, i can't say i have truly ever been alone. I have people i know i can call whether they could fully be there for me or not. Literally just a phone call or drive away. Even in my darkest moments...i deep down have always known the feeling of company and others.

Brazil '09- the little boy who captured my <3

Weary...sure i have been tired but only the tired that knows that up ahead i will be able to lay my head down...i will be able to sleep...i will be able to recuperate and begin again refreshed and energized.

Anxious...I know anxiety...I use to deal with it much more than i do now but it's still the protected kind...it's the anxiety that there is enough stability and people in my life that if i was in desperate need there would be some sort of crutch...some sort of way to move through things...I was also raised in a home that taught me through faith there is a hope through our anxiety so even when i am most anxious i am still able to find some peace. I don't know the anxiety of being alone and unprotected...of not being able to meet daily needs or not being able to protect myself or others from the events life throws at us...

Brazil '10

Broken...I think we all experience brokenness...the degree differs from person to person but broken is broken. I have experienced brokenness and i have been hurt and wounded by others...but in my most broken state, I have access to the strength and choice that lies around me. The option to move forward and to be better. The option to fall into the arms of those around me and heal in time. The option to build the brokenness back up with love, security, protection, safety, laughter, and relationships surrounding me.

Uneducated...something i will never know personally. I was in school from 4K to college graduation. I was pushed and encouraged and given option. I excelled in school and was able to cultivate a life and future based on knowledge and ingenuity. (dont get me wrong...i still have my dumb dumb moments :-/ )

Orphaned...I have a family. I have a mom and dad, two brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins...I have family that are not blood but are as close as if they were. I will never truly know what it physically means to be orphaned...because even if i lost my family...there are still people so close around that love me and would be there for me.

Lakeshore, Mississippi- Hurricane Katrina Relief '2006

The truth is...i have been given a WHOLE lot. More than i deserve and some i take for granted. I have lived a life of opportunity that in many ways had nothing to do with myself or my own endeavors. It had nothing to do with my choice to work hard or to make sacrifices for success. It had EVERYTHING to do with the people in my life making those choices for me in the beginning. Giving me a foundation which made it easier for me to choose those qualities for myself when I was of independent age to do so.

Mexico- '08

I look around and i see people in different places than i have ever been in...people holding signs on the side of the road begging...people walking the streets mumbling to themselves...people taking advantage of others just to fuel the demons and addictions in their life that in reality holds them captive in the hell they are in....i see all this around me...and honestly, i have judged, i do judge on occasion. I think about WHY don't you have a job and what did you have before you got yourself into this mess. It's true that their are people just like myself that had all they needed and instead of learning and appreciating and being good stewards, they threw it all away for a bad decision and a life consuming addiction...

Mexico- '08

However there are also people out there that didn't choose for themselves. They don't pick the parents that abandoned them for drugs and instability. They didn't pick the the school system that pushed them through because there was not enough extra to spend on every child that did not have a mom and dad at home to help with their homework and learning. They didn't choose the mental illness and anxiety that they developed at a young age due to the quickly revolving dysfunctional world around them. They didn't choose being hungry at the age of 12 because mom spent the money on alcohol and drugs. They didn't choose the rape and abuse of the continual revolving door of men or women their so called "protector" of a parent brought into their so called home or "safe haven". They didn't choose the death of the their grandparents before they were even through school...the grandparents that gave them the very little they had to help them make a different path for themselves. There are people that didn't choose and they end up reaching the age of choice and decision and because of those in their lives around them...they have no way of knowing how to make them.

(Inner City Charleston, SC)

(Inner City Charleston, SC)

My point in all this and lesson to no one else other than myself is this...I want to do for others more than I do for myself...I don't want to be everybody else that just passes by refusing to look on that which is uneasy for our eyes to take hold of.  I want to help someone fall to sleep at night in whatever environment and place that might be, knowing that someone does care and that they are worth knowing. I want to live knowing that i am NOT above reaching a  low place in life. I am just as CAPABLE of succumbing to a life of addiction...i am just as CAPABLE of pushing everyone in my life out...I AM CAPABLE of losing every blessing i have been given....I am CAPABLE not just of the good and success of life...but of the bad and failures as well.

If people say something of me when my life is over...i would want it to be that i had no fear. That i gave and went where others would not go. That i took time to truly invest and get to know the shadows of the world...the forgotten and alone. That means more to me than other successes and accomplishments...

This has gotten rather lengthy...and to show you the place of heart all this came from...

This is my friend. I know the picture is not clear. I did not want it to be. Yes i know this person. I know his story. I know what life he came from...how long the streets have been his home...i know what size clothes he wears and a few of the locations he feels somewhat safe enough to close his eyes throughout his long days. I know he has anxieties and stresses. I know he has been robbed and abused.  I know he has no family, i know that he has no education. I know he is younger than myself and someone my husband sat beside in his 10th grade class in high school.

 He has never asked us for anything...he has never once asked for money or food or clothes. In fact, in the beginning we  had to really push to get him to take food from us. I know he may not represent the majority of people on the streets in this day and country, but what he represents is a population of people that hesitate to trust...that truly don't understand and know love and relationship. That don't believe that there could ever be a different chapter in the book of life they are living. They don't know the power of choice or decision. They just know the pattern of following in the footsteps of the people that brought them into the world and were suppose to teach and show them the way. The pattern of those that failed them in so many ways... They just know THAT way...and i will fully agree with the saying that you can't teach an old dog NEW tricks...at least not without a lot of time, patience, effort, and failures. (just ask my husband who tried to learn to ride a bike at the age of 23...it's a concept that is not easy to grasp at this place in life.)

My heart breaks for my friend and those alone in the haunting of their past. My heart breaks for those that don't understand we were all created with the ability to make a change...and it may have to be reiterated and taught anew, but i believe that one of the biggest problems we face is people not being willing to be the teacher...to be the new example in a life that did not have one....Just some food for thought....I AM CAPABLE...of anything...what will i do with that?

**(side note/disclaimer: I have seen the many faces of poverty...from those here in my hometown to the ones in third world countries where living takes on a whole different meaning. I have gotten to know people who will tell you they are where they are at because of very poor decisions they made in their life and because their addictions mean more to them than their life and future. I have met innocent children that rummage through trash and drink water out of the cattle watering hole and thing that this is what everyone's life looks like. I have met teenage kids whose parents give them over to prostitution so that they can feed the rest of the kids and buy their alcohol and drugs. I have met elderly who were suddenly laid off of work in a city they can't afford to live in and all their savings went to medical bills and all their family is deceased or worse off than they. I have met the crooks that put on the appearance of poverty just to take advantage of people and government...i am not naive to the state people are in so please don't think i am one of naivety that will only be taken advantage of throughout life if i live a life of giving and sacrifice to others...)

Just and Uber Ride Away...

That moment you realize just how much of your life was lived for others and how much was really who you are.... yep my plane has landed and i have officially gotten off and walked through the terminal to the luggage zone, grabbed my stuff, stepped outside, and I'm here. I'm in a world where the influence of others does not exist. It's interesting. I feel like the world is turning around me and i have stopped moving. I am seeing for the first time life and people and I am at a place where i have to decide where i am going to go from here. I am not stuck at the airport, i have actually found myself an UBER (that seems safer than a taxi)...now my only problem is to figure out where that is suppose to take me...

I know how this sounds to most...i can hear all your different voices..."oh she is 'finding' herself", "she is pondering life and  having a pre-life crisis"..."she is intellectualizing everything and it's so silly"... months ago i would have never even posted this because even the thought of peoples opinions of me and figuring out life would have worried me so greatly and affected me so much that I would have stayed seated where I was at and just kept on being what I have been taught to be. But somehow, someway, i woke up one morning and i did not care. To put it frankly...i just did not give a damn.

I became aware of the reality that my life was a movement that was ordered by others and carried out by myself. It's not necessarily been a lie or not a good thing... It has just been heavily influenced. I am looking around at a culture and I am seeing so many different breeds of people. For example, i am a Christian, and i was raised in a Southern Baptist church my whole life. I was raised in a very very conservative household. I went to Christian school 6 years of my life. And the only people i was allowed to hang out with or spend large amounts of time with growing up were people with similar views and beliefs.

Please hear me when i say that i don't think the way i was raised was wrong. My parents did a great job at a very difficult task.  They sacrificed a lot so that I could be raised in a safe environment with the least amount of temptations that might one day turn into addictions of control and disaster. They loved Jesus and showed us an authentic Faith.

In saying all that, I want it to be clear that i am thankful for my childhood and life. It was FAR from perfect but it was full of blessing and lessons that cultivated in me a person that loves others and cares and wants to give and do. However, now i have reached a place of disruption so to say.

As children, it is our parents responsibility to raise us and lead us in the way they feel is best. It is apart of our American freedom and for that i am thankful. That doesn't mean, however, that the day does not come where we as children grow up and become adults. It's a that moment in which we arrive at a place of decision. Do we believe the exact things our parents embedded in us, Or do some or all of those things change? For me, i am at that place...I am at a place where it is not okay with me to hold to an opinion, view, or faith because it's what i was taught. If i am going to live life and make choices, those choices have to be because i BELIEVE in them. Because they are true to me in my life.

This place I am at has raised a LOT of questions for me. It's aroused places in my mind that hold thoughts and ideas that I never knew existed for me. It's actually quiet a conflicting place to be. What you believe affects every choice you make. It affects the BIG moments and the little ones in life. To use the word important is an understatement in describing the power behind your beliefs.

I don't feel the need to elaborate on the areas of conflict and debate in my body, mind, heart, and soul right now...maybe one day...but not today, but i do think it is important to put out there the honesty of my life and where i am at. I am tired of sugar coated people living their sugar coated lives (when in reality we know everyone is fighting a war of some sorts within themselves). I am also tired of living a life where a lot of my decisions are made based on the attention and admiration i get from others.

While on this journey i have seen things through a different set of lenses...maybe that's just it...i am actually SEEING things for first time because i finally put on some lenses to correct my blurred vision.

 For example, I have realized that throughout my growing years I watched the people around me in my life excel in so many areas. Sports, academics, music, dance... though i tried my hand at many things I did not hold talent for any of them. I did not stand out...I did learn at an early age that i was really good at loving Jesus and being good. I was really good at understanding spiritual things and being mature in ways beyond my years. This was not bad in itself and i believe a lot of was genuine...however looking back and even up until just recently, I have seen how I was a kid that desired more than anything to be good at something and to succeed. To have the attention of others because i was talented...and THAT became my talent. Following the rules and going and doing things that most adults were not willing to do with their faith and beliefs. Since putting my hypothetical lenses on, i realize that i don't want to continue down that path. I want to go and do and make choices because what i believe is real in my life and because it's a choice i made...not my parents or family or friends. I don't want to live a life restricted by the opinions of others. And i don't want to push people out because they are not like me or see things the same as me...heck...right now i dont even know what i see.

The truth is letting people down is a requirement in life. It's something that must be done in order to live. It's necessary...people do not last forever and we can not solely depend on the support of others. The problem is, i have been so afraid of letting people down...i have been so afraid of failing at the one thing i was so good at,pleasing the people close to me, that i stopped seeking... i stopped learning...i stopped trying to understand who i was and what i am capable of because i limited myself to the mold those around me wanted me to fit in.

I can honestly say, this is the first time i can ever remember where i am thinking for myself. I am looking at life and the things that it consists of and making a personal decision on what i want and what's right. I haven't gotten very far yet and I am not sure of a lot of things...but what i do know is when my UBER ride gets me to my destination...i will know it is because i chose to go there and SOMEONE did not choose it for me....

123...A Little About Me...

When All else Fails...Do A Questionnaire: 



1.) Nicknames: Growing up a had some unpleasant ones ...Bam Bam Bethany and Bethasaurus LOL dont ask...I had the nickname B-knee through highschool and still with a few people...Some people call me B or Bet or Beth...thats about it

 

2.) Born and raised in South Carolina

3.)  I turned 25 in August (yea my brain is fully developed now :-p )

4.) I am a natural Blonde although my hair has seen many shades over the years...i am currently getting back to the all natural :-)

5.) Siblings: 2 brothers older and younger, a sister-in-law, and best friend i have always called my sister

6.) Pets: none at the moment...working up to getting a dog

7.) Bad Habits: I try to keep it in check but my mouth tends to get me in trouble at times...also, i go through nail biting phases especially when i am nervous or stressed

8.) Phobias: I use to have a severe case of White Coat syndrome... I have worked myself down from that a bit...i am scared to death of having blood drawn and have honestly only had it done twice in the past 20 years probably. Also...I abhor spiders and get a little antsy with heights.

*ABOUT YOU

9.) What makes you happy: Being around people i love, surprises, being outside, working out, LIVING

10.)What really irritates you: crazy drivers, being late

11.) What makes you sad: Seeing people in need; homeless, orphans, abused, neglected

12.) What makes you angry: people who treat others as if they are below themselves or unworthy,   people that take advantage of others

13.)What makes you scared: being at the top of  a hill on a roller coaster...not being able to get in touch with someone i love

14.)Who is your best friend: Melanie is my sister...since I was in middle school we have been as close as sisters and have remained that growing up...i have lots of best friends and they know who they are :-)

15.)Ever broken a bone: negative

16.)What's the best advice you've ever received:That is an open-ended question...i have had so much needed advice over the years that has been beyond helpful and necessary. One of the things i will always remember is me asking my mom if we were poor growing up and she responding with "as long as you have Jesus you are the richest in the world"...

17.)What was the last CD you bought: It's been a while since i have bought a full CD and i think the last one was Gavin Degraw - Make A Move

18.) What was the last book you read: Ruthless Trust- Brennan Manning

19.)Who was the last person you spoke to: my husband

20.) What was the last thing you ate: a Belvita Breakfast cookie

21.) What was the last thing you drank: Coke Zero

22.)What's the best thing you've ever bought: so far, i would say our home...i love our house!!

23.) What's the worst thing you've ever bought: everything i wasted money on in a past relationship

24.)What's the best thing you've ever been given: Life...Salvation

25.) What's the worst thing you've ever been given: bills, tickets, taxes...shall i continue?

26.)What are your future goals: I want to help others...i don't have a specific goal right now...I really want to do it all...I want to help the orphans, homeless...Military social work has always been something i have had interest in...I just want to be doing something for others. I want to make a lasting impact, using the challenges i have faced to help others where they are at.

27.)What's your most embarrassing moment: I have quiet a few but one of them i will never forget was my 11th grade year in high school at Powder Bowl practice and I was in a group to race to see who was the fastest. I was determined to prove myself and beat the fastest girl who ran track  at school...I was off to a good start until right before we got to the finish like my body got ahead of me and i literally nose-dived and somersaulted at the feet of all the guys who were our "coaches" lol


28.) Who do you consider the most beautiful woman in the world? physical beauty differs based on opinion, however, my mom and my grandma will always be the most beautiful women in my book, physically and inside as well.

29.) Favorite thing to do on a hot summers day: swim and lay out

30.) Favorite thing to do on a snowy winters day: not go to work :-)


31.)If you could go back in time to another decade which would it be: the 40's...Hello Frank Sinatra!

32.)What's the first thing you think about when you wake up: what am i going to wear?

33.)What exactly were you doing on September 11th as the terrorist attacks were being carried out in America: I was sitting on the steps at my private school in the gymnasium having reading time when the teacher came out and called me and the others back into the classroom and said something serious had happened. We watched the news for the rest of the day.

34.)Have you ever been in love: Of course!

35.)Do you believe in the after-life: absolutely

36.)Where do you see yourself in 10 years time: NOT A CLUE

37.)Would you ever consider having plastic surgery: only if something happened to me to require it

38.)Do you have any regrets in life: yep

39.)Any hidden talents: yep...and they are all still hiding from me so when i find them i will let ya know


40.)Last job: my previous job was as a care navigator for a non-profit organization in the medical/social work field.

41.) Current job:Admissions Representative

42.) Dream job: I have a lot of dream jobs...

43.)Who is your hero: non-fictional living- my Papa

Describe yourself in 3 words: realistic, giving, strong

*FAVORITES

44.) Favorite color: Black...no i am not morbid i just like Black..it's classy

45.)Favorite number: in highschool it was always 9 for some odd reason...now i don't have one

46.) Favorite animal: not a big animal person but I do like elephants...

47.) Favorite sport (to play)? softball or beach volleyball

48.)Favorite sport (to watch)? Baseball, UFC fighting :-) no really!

49.)Favorite Show(s)? Keeping up Appearances, Arrow, Law and Order SVU, Walker Texas Ranger

50.) Favorite movies: any war or military movie...Saving Private Ryan, Lone Survivor, Fast and the Furious movies, Speed, Grease

 

51.)Favorite band/ singer: hmmm i am a random music lover but I would say i really like NeedtoBreathe, Gavin Degraw, and Sam Hunt are my top likes

52.) Favorite song:Too many to list...

53.) Favorite room in the house; I love the sun room and the kitchen

54.) Favorite board game: twister...although it's not really a board game

55.)Favorite video games: Super Mario Cart

56.) Favorite food: I love spaghetti and meatloaf...not together lol

57.)Favorite fast-food: Cook out Quesadilla

58.)Favorite drink: water
59.)Favorite magazine: anything health and fitness related

60.)Favorite place: the mountains

61.) Favorite cartoon character: I don't watch cartoons anymore but i loved me some looney tunes back in the day

62.)Favorite day of the week: depends on what's going on and the week

63.)Favorite day of the year: I love Christmas because i love to give gifts

64.)Favorite season: Fall

65.) Favorite smell: Clean Laundry

*PREFERENCES

66.) Coke or Pepsi? Coke

67.) Pen or Pencil? depends on what i am doing

68.) Day or Night? early evening

69.) Cat or Dog? I am fine with both

70.) Summer or Winter? Summer

71.)T.V. or Radio? TV

72.)Brains or Beauty? Both

73.)Cup or Mug? Mug

74.)Tea or Coffee? Coffee

75.)Gold or Silver? both

76.)Brush or Comb? Brush if my hair is straight- comb for curls

77.)City or Country? best of both worlds

78.)Red or White wine? white

79.)Early or Late riser? Late if i have the option :-)

80.) Blond or Brunette? whatever

81.)Scarey or Romantic movies: Action please

82.) Board or Computer games: Board games

83.) Half full or Half empty? i tend to be Glass-Half-Empty person...it's unfortunate

84.) Happy and poor or Sad and rich: Happy in all circumstances

85.) Glasses or Contacts? i have glasses no contacts

86.)Flowers or Chocolates: Neither...take me somewhere instead :-) but if i had to pick...flowers

87.)Hugs or Kisses? depends on the occasion and person! Clearly i don't want kisses from the world and all it's inhabitants lol


*RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW
88.)What are you wearing: skinny jeans, fleece zip up vest,white long sleeve shirt, vans

89.)What's the latest news: Blake Shelton and Gwen are lovas!

90.) What's the weather like: Raining FOR THE PAST 2 WEEKS!!!!

91.)How do you feel: like i need sunlight!


*WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU...

92.) Cried: I am not a big crier...if i cry something is very wrong

93.) Laughed: yesterday

94.) Swore: Today :-(

95.) Got drunk: My 21st birthday...WORST DECISION EVER

96.)Had a bath/shower: This morning and probably again tonight...i bathe often!

97.)Smiled at someone? Today

98.)Said, 'I love you'? About 30 minutes ago,

a PAIN in the BUTT...no REALLY

For the past 6 weeks i have been dealing with a pain in the butt. A nuisance so overwhelming i could scream...in fact i have a few times. I have also cried a little and expressed quiet a few frustrations...So you might be wondering what exactly it is that is bothering me and driving me crazy...well...literally it is a pain in my butt (too much info maybe) . To get this to technical medical point...

I have been having numerous problems with my SI Joint also known as the Sacroiliac Joint...never heard of it?? Neither had I but now if you check my recent computer history or Google search engine on my home computer, cell phone, work computer, and kindle you will find this word over and over. The pain is one of two...it's either dull and discomforting but manageable, not disrupting my daily flow of life...or it is sharp, stabbing, and debilitating bringing me to my knees when i apply any movement or pressure to my right leg. It is in one spot in my lower back/butt area and let me tell you...it's the true definition of "a pain in the butt".

You might be wondering why I am sharing this with the world ( or the 2-3 people that will actually take time to read this) and to be honest...I'm sharing for my own personal record. When i start to thinking, a lot of times i forget to write or journal about it and i eventually forget all about it. I am trying to be more diligent in keeping track of the different thoughts, burdens, and passions that cross my mind. And right now, over the past 6 weeks, i have been trying to rack my brain on what unfathomable epiphany could come from this pain i am experiencing...To be honest...i have not quiet figured it out. The world would say it is life...live and get over it... the Bible says "All things work together for the good of those who love Him" and i am one of those who love Him, therefore i have to believe there is a rhyme and reason for this ailment. That doesn't mean i will ever understand it but it means that i can pray and seek too...

So in saying that a couple of things came to my mind tonight as i was working out...(remember my physical workouts are the expression of much deeper spiritual workouts)... the first thing was the re-occurrence of sin in our lives and overcoming that or succumbing to that. The pain I experience has not always been there. For the past 6 weeks it has been very prevalent but before that, it had been months upon months since i had felt it or known its existence and before that a year probably. It made me think about sin in my life. We all have our struggles...some seasons those struggles are basically invisible...i mean we know they are there but they are so faint we can't see them or feel the pull they have in our lives...then there are others times. Times where the struggle of our sins are so great that they seem to be debilitating to our life. They come at us like sharp unpredictable pains. We try everything but we can not seem to fend them off. Nothing helps...everywhere we turn we are surrounded by the temptation. It keeps up from being who we are outside of that sin. It keeps us from doing things we are called to do by a much Higher Power. It distracts us from what we should be doing and reminds us of all our limitations and failures.

HOWEVER...there is much peace in knowing that...

 "¹³ No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."- 
 1 Corinthians 10:13

AND...we can't ignore and forget...

  "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."-  
2 Corinthians 12:9



I don't know that this is the Lord's rhyme or reason in my literal pain in the butt...however i do find comfort in the promises of His Word...and right now...this pain is a weakness for me. It's attempting to keep me from being active, healthy, and happy. It distracts me from the needs of others and puts my focus upon myself. I can't say i have mastered this part yet, but i am truly trying to turn my weakness into His strength. I am trying to allow my pain to bring me to the feet of Jesus. To call upon Him...to thank him for His Grace and Provisions. To be reminded that my needs in comparison to the needs of others is minute and that in the moment i am overwhelmed by my problem i am reminded of the much greater ones that surround me and the people of this world and the ones i love....

So...that my friends...is my current PAIN in the BUTT...

give a little...GIVE A LOT

  There is a story in the Bible that i would gather most of us are pretty familiar with. The story of the Widows offering or also known as the Widows Mite. If you have never heard the story, the verses below will tell it.

Luke 21:1-4English Standard Version (ESV)

The Widow's Offering

21 Jesus^[a] looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the offering box, ² and he saw a poor widow put in two small copper coins.^{[b] 3} And he said, “Truly, I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all of them. ⁴ For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.”

I was reminded of this as i was reading a book this morning and felt the need to post on it. Lucky for you all, this will be short and sweet... unlike the majority of my posts. :-) 

The truth that lies in this moment in history some thousands of years ago is that it's not about the bounty or amount or price that is upon what you give to the Lord as offering. It is about the heart. It is about giving the Lord all that you have...entrusting him with your riches, be it $1,000,000 or $1. God does not expect or desire one large set sum amount from the entire population of his flock...He wants us to be willing to relent what we do have and give him all with a heart of devotion and love. 

This story was brought to life one day for me. I witnessed it with my own eyes. Actually, it was kinda like a multiple epiphany. A little over a month ago i was blessed to go to NYC on a mission trip for 12 days. One of the ministries we were a part of was an outdoor Bibleschool at a local park on Coney Island. It was not your typical BibleSchool we southern baptist people are most familiar with. It was held at a rec center in a park and rather than it being a ton of children from the church that was hosting it , it was random children and even some of their parents that just happened to be in the park or lived in that area. This majority being children and adults that did not attend church and did not have a personal relationship with Jesus. 

When we got there, i met a sweet girl who was around the age of 9. She was such a beautiful girl and had the biggest warmest smile on her face. I sat down and began to talk to her and very quickly realized that this young girl hungered for God. Her faith was much greater than my own and her heart and craving for the Word was as well. She was not raised in church but was able to come to this Bible school and she loved it. She clung tightly to what she was taught about Jesus. Honestly, my words can not describe the Spirit and Power that was upon this young girl. 

As we continued to talk, she told me about all she had learned that week in Bible school. She showed me her notebook she carried with her to write EVERYTHING down in...and then she showed me something else so precious. She showed me a bag full o

f coins. Mostly pennies but lots and lots of them. She said that every night they took up and offering and that she could not wait to give her coins to the Lord. (Me=Mindblown/Gut-punched)

As the night began and Bible school progressed, we reached the end where offering was taken up. I watched my beautiful little friend Antoinette, joyfully yet so humbly, pour her coins of offering before the Lord. You have to understand that this young girl had very little raising or spiritual leading. Not coming from a financially stable homelife, walking to the park from a significant distance away . This was not just a child bringing change their parents gave them for offering...this was a child pouring her riches before the Lord. Riches that she had collected and kept safe...riches that she did not spend on a soda and candy or music or a doll. Money she had collected and saved over time waiting for this moment to selflessly lay them before the Lord without any hesitation, second guessing or doubt. This was the widow offering her last mites. An offering that the world would look at and say "what good is that going to do?" but an offering so RICH to the Lord that He places more value on that than the $1,000,000 donation given by the Multi-billionaire.

The Lord touched a part of my soul in that moment...it felt like time had stood still for a moment and i was witnessing a happening from long ago with the Savior. As if i was actually sitting beside Jesus witnessing the widow give her mite. It's moments like this where God's Word becomes more real than ever. When TRUTH becomes alive. 

My prayer is that i would give selflessly of all that i have. That i would cherish nothing so much, that i am not willing to relinquish it and that i would cherish Him so much that i would relinquish it all...

Working Out or Working IT Out

A year ago this month, i began a life-changing journey. At that time i honestly had no idea as to how it would really affect my life. It's funny because I don't think anyone close to me really had an idea. This time last year, i came to a fork in the road. I was the heaviest i had ever been which for my height was considered overweight. My weight gain did not help already diagnosed health problems like my lack of mobility with my left hip from a tear. Also, i had developed some significant stomach problems that had resulted in me being afraid to go and do things i would have normally been apart of before. Due to a very dark season prior, i also found myself in dark trench surrounded by anxiety, depression, and raging anger. And we all know that those emotions in general bring your quality of life down.

I came to a place in life where I was forced to embrace the misery that i was sinking in and continue down that road until... (dun dun dunn--insert miserable life story here) OR...I could totally change directions. I could take back the life I was blessed to have and life it the way the Lord was calling me to live it. Over the past year, i have kept off 25 lbs., become educated about health and nutrition, became a runner (this is still a work in progress), learned to cook healthy, happy, hearty meals, and been ever so faithful to my gym membership and daily exercise. And that my fellow readers is what brings me to this little write up... I am actually not writing about the adventurous journey i am on (although it's pretty blog worthy) but i wanting to share a bit about my WORK OUTS.

Ever since i became routine with working out last September, i realized how vital to my days it is. Just to give you an idea of what i do, i started out with just a High Intensity workout program called 9-Rounds. I must thank it for teaching me commitment and how to push my self physically. About 4 months ago i also got a gym membership to give me more access to weights and indoor cardio.  I also began running back in December and fell in love with that. Now, I am actually more in the gym than anything doing weights and cardio and am actually a part of an awesome program my friend created for women. This program has challenged me greatly in the sense that it "don't play no games" as the saying says. It pushes you to find your limit and push a little past it each day. It also requires commitment and self discipline. I have realized in doing this program that before this, i really did not "work-out". I exercised daily, and don't get me wrong, i absolutely benefited from it. However, i was not doing what i consider to be "working-out".

And that brings me to a reality i have been pondering the past week. I think sometime there may be a negative connotation link to the term "working-out". I mean if you say you are exercising, that is general and paints a giant picture from going for a walk, swimming with the kids, doing an aerobics class, or playing tennis. (ALL AWESOME BENEFICIAL THINGS) But when i hear the phrase 'working out' the reoccurring picture that gets painted is a smelly gym with a bunch of beef heads pumping iron and taking their flex-selfies. I actually struggled with telling people i was going to work out because there were a few times not too long ago where people made there comments about not being as healthy as me or  i guess more or less singled me out as if i put myself on a pedestal because of certain lifestyle choices. The other day though i began to think about it and to be honest this is my heart on the matter....

I WORK-OUT...and i LOVE it. It is a vital part of my day and if i don't get to and it's a day i should i am frustrated. BUT.... <--(key word here)

It's not because i feel like i am going to gain all my weight back again or lose muscle i have worked hard to get...it's because my WORK OUTs go so much deeper than the physical realm. My work out is a time where i get in a zone, put my headphones on, and blast the words and truth of my Heavenly Father. It's hours of listened to his word. It's time where i am physically working out my muscles but mentally, spiritually, and emotionally, i am working out my fears, anxieties, stresses, questions, and concerns with my God. It is such a parallel for me, the physical and the spiritual. It's been moments during my workouts that i have heard the Lord speak to my heart and show me things I had not seen before. It's work outs that I am listening to all different types of Christian music and it's that one phrase i catch in between my catching breaths and water breaks that penetrates my deepest worries with the light of God's Truth.

When i go into the gym...YES...i go in there to do work. I don't want to come out unless i am sweaty-nasty-gross. But it's the same with my walk with the Lord. I don't want to leave until i have shredded every ounce of filth, sin, and crap that begins to build up throughout my days and clouds my heart and soul from loving and showing Jesus to others. I don't want to leave until i have praised God sooo much people are starting to think i am the crazy girl who wears headphones and talks to her self , every now and then raising her hands on the treadmill ( in praise) and randomly smiling in affirmation of the awesomeness of God-Almighty.

My work-outs mean the world to me. Do I think everyone in the gym thinks the way i do...NAHHHHH... do i think there is probably someone else in there actually using their time to refuel and strengthen their personal home of the Holy-Spirit? Absolutely... Do i think that people can get sooo obsessed with the physical aspect that it becomes their god and life? OF COURSE...do i pray against that everyday in my personal life... YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT.

I am so thankful for the many things God has done in my life over the past year. Just when i thought God had done His work by allowing me to achieve the physical accomplishments, He decided to rock my world and totally restore- renew- revive- and ignite the inside of my being. God is so good and nothing i write in this blog could ever do Him justice or express His goodness enough. It could never depict His strength and power. Only a personal encounter and experience can do that and that is my prayer. My prayer is that my life shouts of an experience with God...not just one life changing one, but one that takes place day in and day out. A constant encounter with the most-glorious, most high, God and Creator of the Universe...

 Until next time...

PS::

Vinegar baths are clutch for WORK-OUT post recover :-p