First things first. My purpose in doing this is because i want to be HEALTHY. I am soooo NOT healthy right now. In fact i am the most unhealthy i have ever been. I would love to shed a few pounds as i am also the heaviest i have ever been, however that is not my goal. My goal is to develop habits of clean eating and focus on making my body the best it can be so that i can enjoy life and fulfill the purpose i have here.
Okay...REWIND...
to when i was going into my high school years. I was extremely obsessive about my weight. Like most young pre-teen and teenage girls, i had a diseased idea of what I saw when i looked in the mirror. I was never small enough or pretty enough. Though it was a huge struggle and life-controlling time in my life then, now i can not help but look back and somewhat laugh at the altered way i saw things.
Having control over my weight then became my identity. I would only take in 250 to 500 calories max a day and if i felt like i had over done it i would make myself throw up. I can remember my diet consisting of a spoon of peanut butter in the morning possibly another spoon that afternoon and then a McDonalds Parfait for dinner. I was all of a size 0-2 through my years of high school with no curve or shape. I was still never happy.
I really do not know a 100% what changed my way of thinking. I know that in 11th grade I made decision to start eating more than one meal a day because my body and emotions were at their final straw and i know i was so tired of not being happy. Through lots of prayer and growth I gradually began to give up my lack of control on food.
Fast Forward....
SO without being rediculous and straight telling the world how much i weigh, lets just say if we were talking in years i would be about 5 decades older now! CRAZY i know! I can say that there are some days when i hate my body and catch myself thinking back to the highschool days and wishing i were that size again, however most of the time I am more logical. I honestly do not want to be a size 0 or 2 again. I do not really feel like that is a natural size for my body. I just want to be healthy. I want to have energy and strength. I want to be able to be active without limitations. I want to eat things that actually have positive benefits in my body. I just want to LIVE.
I must be honest... my decision to do Advocare was slightly impulsive. I agreed to buy and order before i had any idea how the program was set up. After i started researching it , i slightly panicked thinking -"There is no way in YOU KNOW WHERE that i can do this!!" It takes self-discipline and self-control...two things i lack so much of. But it's funny how much money can motivate you...Paying $180 for something gave me some incentive to figure out a plan and stick to it. I am currently ending day 4 and will be starting day 5 tomorrow. It's been REAL and it's been FUN but it sure has not been REAL FUN.
My body decided yesterday that it was going to throw a hissy-fit. I had a migraine like none either that even a dark room could not cure. I was soooo tired and my body ached from the 9 rounds workout i did the day before. But even through all that, i still felt a sense of GOODNESS. Maybe it is just in my head. Maybe it is just the fact that i know what i am putting in my body now is good and whole so i will have to reap positive benefits when it is all said and done. I can say i truly am waiting for results...but i also find myself learning so much about food and my thoughts on it through this.
I always saw food as pleasure. I ate what i wanted because i could. I at what i wanted because i like the taste. I have never eaten based on what God created for my body to thrive and be healthy and whole. I have never thought of food as an act of worship until now. If God has chosen to give me life and he has chosen to give me a most-of-the-time functioning body then what i am i doing to use that? Why would i not see it as a gift that i should cherish and take care of? I just recently got a new car and boy do i love it. I want to keep it perfect. I do not want dirt in it or food or anything. I drive it slow and carefully. I want to keep it as new for as long as possible. How is that any different than the way i should treat my body? Should i not want to put the best gas in my body and not fill it with dirt and crap, and change the oil regularly, and wash it and keep it fresh? I believe i should and unfortunately for the longest time i have not. It's like the country song "She let herself gooooooooooooo..." <--(me singing it)....i have definitely let myself go.
Don't get me wrong. I have not achieved anything yet. I would say that if anything my eyes have just been opened to recognize a goal and purpose and now i must do what i need to do to get there. With all that being said...a little about how i am doing with the challenge...
I started Friday, August8th. I have not had any sugars other than natural sugars in fruits, no caffeine other than what is in the spark mix it provides and only one of those a day, i have not had anything processed or fried, no creamy dressings or sauces, and no dairy. I would say i am doing pretty good with it. I have learned that over the past (soon to be) 24 years, i had NO IDEA what different foods truly tasted like, because i have been coating them with so much sauce and dressings.
I learned that salad does indeed taste like grass to me. Fiber is like drinking Sand, it takes 8 oz of water to swallow a horse pill supplement, if there is no pain in exercising then you probably are not doing it right, just because everyone else in the room is eating my favorite cake- i can say no, i do have will-power and self- discipline is something that can be learned. Those are just a few among the many things i have gotten over the past few days...I am seeing progress weight wise but i do not want to share that right now. Mainly because the progress i want to see is not in numbers dropping but rather a lifestyle change. so when day 24 comes and i can say that i have continued the course and stood firm...then i will release progress in numbers...until then it is a day to day battle...
woMAN vs Food (i love that show) :-)
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